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Mending a Broken Heart: WHOLENESS!

By on April 4, 2013 in 4 Weeks of Mending a Broken Heart, biblical counseling, emotions, faith, hope

glass-brokenIsn’t loss hard? It mocks you and sneers at the wholeness you seek. Loss keeps you wondering, Did I deserve this? How will I survive? A few of loss’s grotesque faces:

  • Has someone treated you like a throwaway — a parent? a spouse? The loss of acceptance.
  • Have you grieved the loss of a child or other dear one? The loss of what could have been.
  • Have you turned to an addiction to cope? The loss of dignity.

Wholeness blesses your mind, body, and soul. The One who blesses gives you grace and goodness. This wholeness comes in new, fresh ways of living beyond your broken heart: not just surviving day by day but living life to its utmost, overflowing.

Kc Hutter, author of her memoir A Broken Heart, has experienced devastating loss of divorce, abandonment, a child, and more.

Hasn’t loss messed with your plans? Don’t you need practical, hands-on hope?

This is the eight post in the four-week series,  “Mending a Broken Heart” blog series. On Tuesday: a BONUS post and book giveaway. Keep your eye out for it. You won’t want to miss the chance to win Kc’s book  and sign up for my FREE webinar “Hands-On Hope for Life’s Losses.”

Read the other posts in this series here. Leave a comment or two or a bunch. The more comments you leave, the greater your chance to win Kc’s book. Look inside the book here.

Choosing to Forgive

Kc lived loss. Her parents gave her to her aunt and uncle at age 2. She cried. Through childhood and beyond, she ached for love, desiring a hug and an “I love you” in her new, cold home. She first tried to win their approval and love. Later she drowned her pain in men and work and vodka.

On her healing journey, Kc finally asked her mom about her life. She learned that her mom was married at age 15 to Kc’s dad, Albert, a bar owner. She became pregnant at 16 and, “like bullets shot out of a gun,” there were five children.

After I’d talked with Mom, I remembered, ‘Honor your father and your mother that you may have a long, good life in the land the Lord you God will give you’ (Exodus 20:12, TLB).

The Lord told me, ‘Forgive her.’

I did and started calling or writing her every month.

God’s plan for me had taken a bend in the road. Even though I had been given away, Mom could have aborted me. She chose life for me.

I don’t remember hugging her until I was sixty-eight and Mom eighty-eight. It was sweet–me on my knees, Mom in her wheelchair. I received that hug, first and last. I never saw her again. Mom passed away a few months later.”

How to Forgive a Deep Wound

Doesn’t forgiveness seem like you’re letting the other person off the hook? That you may be denying your pain?

Forgiveness in a pivotal stepping stone on the pathway to wholeness. Easy? No. Never.

A wound brings on an assortment of emotions: anger, fear, love, grief, jealousy, happiness. Think of a circumstance that wounded you. This circumstance brings on an inner emotional response. What emotion do you connect with the pain? Your emotion triggers a response.

When Kc felt abandoned by her parents (the circumstance), she felt sad (her emotion). Her initial response was to cry. As she grew older, she tried to please her aunt and uncle (her emotion: fear). This response to her pain didn’t mend her wound either. After high school, she married and became a mom, driven by a fear she was unlovable. To assuage her painful emotions — primarily fear, sadness, and anger — she drank booze to numb.

At last — about 20 years after she became a believer in the Lord Jesus — Kc sought her mom, who had rejected her, and forgave her.

While there’s no easy formula to forgiveness, this act of grace requires two choices: to think right and to act right.

1. Think Right

Emotions flow from our thoughts. The Bible teaches us to “to take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5) and to renew our minds as we consider God’s mercy (Romans 12:2). As God reveals that our thinking does not line up with his, as revealed in scripture, you and I must repent (or, feel sorry for out sin and change direction).

Where your deep wound lies you’ll often find sinful emotions that led from sinful thoughts. You may think that your relative or even God was unfair, even evil. Consider your thoughts and emotions in light of scripture.

Feel angry? You may want your goals more than you desire God’s. Afraid? You may lack trust in God’s ability or goodness to help you. Sad? You may have allowed confusion to supplant God’s truth in your heart. Open your Bible and read passages that apply to your circumstance. Don’t know where to begin? Read the Gospel of John or Philippians. Ask God to open your heart to the truths he wants you to see.

2. Act Right

True repentance requires a willingness to follow God’s will. God’s will regarding forgiveness is clear: Forgive. Listen.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have again one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Think about it. When Jesus submitted to the Father’s will and became sin on the cross and died than rose again, he not only defeated death, he also showed that forgiveness is possible and best. Jesus died for every sin–past, present, and future. His forgiveness  extends to adulterers and murderers, liars and child abusers, rapists and serial killers. . .to whomever believes on the Lord Jesus and receives the gift of salvation.

Wholeness, Finally

Kc achieved heart wholeness and healing when she accepted God’s forgiveness for her sins and then lived the Christian life, extending the grace of forgiveness to others, including her mom.

Isn’t there someone you need to forgive? Don’t you need God’s grace to forgive?

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Kc was brought up in the church but did not have a personal relationship with Jesus until after her second divorce. She told the Lord in prayer, weeping and clutching her uncle’s Bible: “I’ve made such a mess of my life doing it my may. I forgot how much you love me. Forgive me.” God gave her the strength to pen a memoir and the hope to guide those who are hurting and without hope to the Mender of Broken Hearts.

Kc is married and lives in Washington State. She is a grandmother and the mom of two adult sons, one of whom died of cancer and is now with the Lord.

A Few Questions

1. Who do you need to forgive? Write down their names.

2. What do you lose when you forgive? What do you gain?

3. Are you willing to forgive the person or people who wounded you? If yes, forgive them now. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean that the other person’s actions were okay. Let God handle it. He can. He will.

photo credit: bernat… via photopin cc 

Hopefully Yours!

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Top 5 Friday!

By on March 15, 2013 in healing resources, hope, top 5 friday

Here are my top five picks for the week to give you hope! Blog posts, art/photos, music. Would you like to recommend a Top 5, perhaps your blog post? Leave your suggestions in Comments below. Thank you!

5. I’m in love love this graphic by singer Gwen Smith. Her words — wow. YOUR NOW.

Liveinthemoment

4. Is my problem my thought life? This post by Susan Thomas on the Association of Biblical Counselors blog begins, “Have you ever heard the statements, “you are what you think.” Or, “if you think you can’t, then you can’t!” These statements and many like them, reflect the observation that. . .keep reading here.

3. I Who Have Nothing  by American Idol wannabe Candice Glover. Powerful!

2. Ever want to run away? This post by Lysa  TerKeurst spoke volumes to a friend who shared it with me the other day. Lysa begins: “You want to know one of the worst feelings in the world to me? Feeling stuck.

“Stuck in a situation where I can’t see things getting better. I look at the next 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days and all I see are. . .keep reading here.

1. Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down. . .or do they? My e-friend Lynn Mosher, a blogger and author, walked me down memory lane and encouraged me in this fun post. I wanna be a Weeble too! Do you? Read it here.

Blessings and Hope!

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Mending a Broken Heart: Divorce

By on March 12, 2013 in 4 Weeks of Mending a Broken Heart, emotions, family, hope

Would’t it be terrific to mend your hurting heart after divorce?

Today is the second of eight posts in the blog series, “Mending a Broken Heart.” You can read the first post here.

We’ll talk about hope and healing from tough stuff like abuse and divorce, addiction and the death of loved ones in our time together. Often I’ll excerpt A Broken Heart by Kc Hutter whom I best-buddied on Facebook.

Kc knows death by divorce times two (plus by leaving a live-in lover who abused her).

Isn’t it reassuring that Kc found and married the love of her life nearly 30 years ago?

Isn’t God good? 

Rising Numbers

As you probably know, the divorce rate increases for second and third marriages: In the United States, the divorce rate for first marriage is 41 percent; for second marriages, 60 percent; for third marriages, 73 percent. The younger you marry, the greater the likelihood of divorce.

Less than a year after high school graduation, Kc and Delmer wed. Two baby boys came along. Delmer traveled as a salesman. Men noticed Kc, lonely and fun. A dangerous combination.

Here’s a bit of Kc’s story. You’ll meet the precious red-headed girl with the green tin suitcase, all grown up and looking for love. I added three application questions at the end.

“Are You Having an Affair”

“Are you having an affair with Pat? I can’t live without you,” Delmer shouted. His eyes glared at me. He meant business.

Pat owned a local bar. My girlfriend, Nick, and I hung out at Pat’s bar. We played pool, danced to the juke box, drank screwdrivers, and told funny stories.

Party life with Nicky–wow–I had never experienced such freedom. Drinking made me feel taller, smarter, and cuter.

Delmer moved from North Dakota to Minnesota for his job. The boys and I followed. Things between us didn’t improve. We never fought, but we weren’t able to communicate. We divorced–agreeing that the distance between us seemed to great for reconcilation.

Many times after my divorce, I was free to fly on my own, but I crashed more than once–looking for someone, anyone, to love me.

I drank a lot vodka and developed a “come here, go away” personality. This made me feel safe. I could abandon a man before he abandoned me.

coffee-cup

Kc fell in love again and again. First Anthony, then Richard. Her divorce with Richard messed her over. Booze, pills, insomnia, and escaping into work.

Happiness faded as she sobered.  Hurting. Alone. She flipped open the Yellow Pages and dialed the number of a psychiatrist.

What Kc didn’t know: God had a surprise in store.

Like Kc, I’ve experienced divorce–my parents’. My parents divorced when I was 8, remarried a year later, and divorced again while in my 20s. My dad married another woman, divorced, and married this third wife. He and his current wife have discussed divorce. They have three children, all teens.

My mom died of a massive heart attack about five years after their divorce.

I hate divorce. It’s a death. It hurts.

Be sure to read Thursday’s post in the “Mending a Broken Heart” series and find out how you can best grieve a troubled marriage and find hope. 

About Kc

Kc was brought up in the church but did not have a personal relationship with Jesus until after her third failed relationship (two divorces, one live-in lover). She now guides those who are hurting and without hope to the Mender of Broken Hearts. She is married and lives in Washington State with her husband, Jerry.

A Few Questions

1. How has divorced touched your life? How have you hurt?

2. In what cases do you believe divorce condoned? In our culture? According to biblical teaching?

3. Which parts of Kc’s story resonates with you?

Hope for You

“So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you:

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Psalm 41:10 

photo credit: bobfranklin via photopin cc

 Hope and Blessings,

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Mending a Broken Heart

By on March 7, 2013 in 4 Weeks of Mending a Broken Heart, biblical counseling, emotions, healing resources, hope

Wouldn’t it be terrific to mend your hurting heart?

Today debuts the first of eight posts in the blog series, “Mending a Broken Heart.” My prayer is you’ll find hope and healing as we talk together about tough stuff like abuse and divorce and addiction and the death of loved ones. Please join me every Tuesday and Thursday for my  ”Mending a Broken Heart” posts.

In a moment you’ll hear from my guest blogger, Kc Christman Hutter, author of A Broken Heart.

First. . .

How We Met,  Why I Care

Kc and I crossed paths online and became fast friends. She sent me her memoir.

It’s fresh, this voice, this wise voice. Her Facebook photo belies the fact she grew up in the age of black-and-white photos and record players, her heart broken and searching for peace–physical, mental, and emotional.

Isn’t it reassuring to know you’re not alone in your pain? Having a fellow traveler helps, wouldn’t you agree?

Here’s a link to read more about A Broken Heart, even get your own copy. I highly recommend it. Four stars.

Who of us has not been broken?

Who of us has not cried out in desperation for relief? for hope? 

Here’s a brief excerpt from “A Broken Heart.” You’ll meet the precious red-headed girl with the green tin suitcase, all grown up and running from an abuser. I added three application questions at the end.

coffee-cup

Anthony was a tall Italian with curly, coal black hair–and a master’s degree. I’ve always admired people with college degrees. His degree could have been story telling. Fact or fiction, he wove spellbinding words together. We became lovers.

When Honeywell hired him to work in Colorado Springs, he, asked, “Would you consider moving with me?” On one knee he added, “Marry me.”

Head over heels in love, I moved with my two sons from Minot, North Dakota, to Teeter Tottter Circle in the shadow of Pikes Peak. Little did I realize our house on Teeter Totter would live up to its name. . ..

Sunny mornings and then dark nights played out like a movie of passion and deceit. I found bottles of whiskey stashed all over the house. Six months after the move, I became the sole bread winner. After a year, I had no illusions or hope that the situation would improve.

While my two sons were in school and Anthony on the golf course, I hired a moving truck. I took my stuff, the boys’ stuff, and left his stuff–including his wet bar. We went into hiding in a condo on the other side of town.

Thank you, Jesus, for finding me a refuge away from verbal and physical abuse. No stale booze odor in our home.

Two weeks later, our quiet was shattered. Anthony had followed one of my sons home from school. Knocking at the door, Anthony said, “I want a second chance. Why did you leave me? I love you. I’m sorry. Move back.”

“No!” I replied.

He grabbed me. My blouse tore. The boys and I fled to the safety of a motel. Days later, I called my neighbor. They told me Anthony left my condo escorted by the police.

Walking into my home, it was hard to comprehend the destruction: broken whiskey bottles on the floor; brown stains on the carpet; telephone ripped from the wall and used as a hammer; pieces of glass from broken picture frames shattered on my bed; dots of his blood spattered on the walls; plants overturned and left wilting, dying; jewelry ripped apart; treasured heirlooms gone.

“We called the police because of all the racket,” my neighbor said. . ..

A gnawing gut feeling told me: Call Uncle Gay and Aunt Lou in North Dakota. They were now in their golden years.

Hearing my voice, they started crying. They asked, “Are you all right? Anthony called and told us you were kidnapped and placed in a prostitution ring in Chicago.”

kc-hutter-profile-picAbout Kc and New Life

Kc was brought up in the church but did not have a personal relationship with Jesus until after her second divorce. She told the Lord in prayer, weeping and clutching her uncle’s Bible: “I’ve made such a mess of my life doing it my may. I forgot how much you love me. Forgive me.” God gave her the strength to pen a memoir and the hope to guide those who are hurting and without hope to the Mender of Broken Hearts.

Kc is married and lives in Washington State. She is the mother of two adult sons, one of whom died of cancer and is now with the Lord, and a grandmother.

A Few Questions

1. What warning signs early in their relationship signaled that Anthony may be abusive?

2. Name some pros and cons of leaving a man like Anthony?

3. Isn’t it reassuring to learn that God hates abuse? Why do you think he allows abuse to happen when he hates it?

Hope for You

My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.

Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.

Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. (Psalm 25:15-17, 20)

Get every post in the “Mending a Broken Heart” series. Simply sign up to receive my posts. Easy, simple.

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Hope and Blessings,

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The Moses Quilt Giveaway!

By on February 25, 2013 in book review, family, hope

 BOOK GIVEAWAY: You won’t win unless you enter. :-)

Hi there, friend.

I have the privilege of participating in THE MOSES QUILT blog tour, and you have a chance to win a copy of this novel. It sensitively handles interracial relations and prejudice.

With a quilt.

And the story of freedom fighter and former slave Harriet Tubman within the story.

Wow.

Award-winning author Kathi Macias has another extraordinary tale of hope.

ENTER THE GIVEAWAY! To win a copy of the book, you need to do ONE thing. Very SIMPLE. Leave a comment below at this blog post and subscribe to my newsletter (if you haven’t already). You’ll find the subscribe box on the upper right corner of my website.  I will choose a winner at random and mail you the novel. :-) Fun!

P.S. Enter NOW while you’re thinking about it.

An Interview with the Author 

The Quilt Series sounds interesting, but what makes it unique or sets it apart from the many other quilt books that are so popular right now?

First, I must confess to NOT being a quilter. I’ve never even considered taking it up! Second, I love quilts and have always been fascinated by the stories behind them. I combined that fascination with my passion for writing issues-related fiction, and I ended up with a three-book series that is, for the most part, contemporary but told against historical backdrops.

Sounds interesting! Can you tell us a bit about each of the three books in the series?

Sure! Book one, The Moses Quilt, involves an interracial romance, where the couple works through their concerns and apprehensions as they learn the story of Harriet Tubman’s faith and courage as told through the patches of the Moses quilt that represents her life. Book two, The Doctor’s Christmas Quilt, deals with the topic of abortion told against the backdrop of the life of America’s first woman doctor, Elizabeth Blackwell, who was strongly pro-life. Book three, The Singing Quilt, deals with a young woman overcoming a physical disability; the background for that story is based on the “Queen of Gospel,” Fannie Crosby.

Was it difficult to do the research on these women, particularly Harriet Tubman? What did you learn about her in the process?

I knew more about Harriet Tubman than I did about Elizabeth Blackwell or Fannie Crosby, but I expanded my knowledge of each as I did the research. Harriet Tubman’s amazing faith and courage is what stood out most to me about her life.

Here was a woman born a slave, penniless for the majority of her life, and illiterate except for the scripture verses she had memorized (even if she couldn’t read them). Her prayer life was powerful, even as a child. After she escaped to the North and began making forays back into the South to help bring others out of slavery, friends would caution her against it. “Harriet, there’s a reward on your head—dead or alive. Aren’t you afraid?” She brushed off their fear and explained that she believed God had called her to help rescue her people; therefore, He would protect her. When her job was done, He would take her home to heaven, so what was there to fear?

Wow, what a dynamic woman of God! I also learned that her achievements went far beyond rescuing slaves, though that’s what she’s best known for. She also served as a spy for the Union Army, worked as a nurse, and opened a home for indigent elderly former slaves. She died there herself in her mid-nineties, and the entire town flew their flags at half-mast in her honor.

Tell us a little more about the contemporary story in The Moses Quilt.

The majority of the contemporary story is set just outside San Francisco. Mazie is white and deeply in love with Edward, an African-American lawyer who adores her and wants to marry her but tries to be respectful of her hesitation to make a commitment. What he doesn’t know is that Mazie is disturbed by what she considers secrets in her family’s past, secrets that begin to be unraveled as her great-grandmother, Mimi, tells her and Edward the story behind her Moses quilt, which she bought years earlier in Gee’s Bend, Alabama, a little town famous for its quilts. Edward thought he knew everything there was to know about Harriet Tubman, who had always been somewhat of a hero to him, but Mimi’s story opens up new avenues of discovery for both the young people in this relationship—and takes them straight back to the quilt’s origin in Gee’s Bend.

This sounds like more than just a “feel-good” story. Can it be used as a study book in some way?

Absolutely! As with nearly all my books we have free downloadable discussion questions at www.newhopedigital.com that will enable The Moses Quilt to be read as a study book for individuals or used as a discussion/study book for groups.

For more opportunities for free copies of THE MOSES QUILT by Kathi Macias, please follow this book tour on Facebook here. This blog host was given a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on this blog. CSS Virtual Book Tours are managed by Christian Speakers Services.

About the Author

Kathi Macias is a multi-award winning writer who has authored nearly 40 books and ghostwritten several others. A former newspaper columnist and string reporter, Kathi has taught creative and business writing in various venues and has been a guest on many radio and television programs. Kathi is a popular speaker at churches, women’s clubs and retreats, and writers’ conferences. She won the prestigious 2008 member of the year award from AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association) at the annual Golden Scrolls award banquet. Kathi “Easy Writer” Macias lives in Homeland, CA, with her husband, Al.
Hopefully Yours!
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