Yearning for a Happy Home at Christmas

homeDoesn’t everyone want a happy home at Christmas? As we rush to finish shopping and baking and wrapping, did you know you have the better home?

This better home is your life in Christ.

You can experience this life in Christ at Christmas and all through the year even if you had a hard home life growing up. It’s just a little bit of heaven, a foreshadow of the best.

Happy Home?

My counselee “Suzie” balks at the word home. Many many years ago, her Christmas at her house was not cookies and hot chocolate, evergreens and gifts–or Jesus. Rather, her parent’s friends came over to party hard, just as they did every day. She felt unsafe, forgotten, and unloved.

As a kid, Suzie tried the booze that littered her house. By middle school, she looked for a safe place in one guy’s arms then another’s. That didn’t satisfy either. To forget her lack of a happy home, she drank and smoked dope and discovered a counterfeit happiness in “not feeling a thing.” Did you experience a difficult upbringing too? Where did you look for happiness? For hope?

We all seek a place to belong, a place of safety.

Home Came to Us

In a dream, an angel told Joseph, who was pledged to wed Mary, “She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” The day of his birth is the wonderful day we celebrate Christmas.

Jesus made his home among us with a purpose. Counselor Paul Tripp says,

The whole redemptive story marches toward Immanuel, the Redeemer who would destroy sin’s dominion in our hearts by making our hearts the place where he, in his power, wisdom, and glory, would dwell.

When you find your home in Jesus, you have rest. You rest from striving to earn salvation.  Sometimes it’s difficult to believe you don’t have to do more or be perfect to get on God’s good side, isn’t it?

Home = Jesus

In Jesus you find true belonging and safety. A warm place to be real and breathe deep.

1. Belonging
Home is the place where your belong and find your identity. In Christ, you are a new creation ( 2 Cor. 5:17) and a child of God (Rom. 8:15).

2. Safety
Your home protects your from the cold and keeps you safe. Jesus is your true place of safety. When Jesus conquered sin and death, nothing can separate us from him, not even death.

Romans 8:38-39 proclaims,

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

As you yearn for a happy home this Christmas, remember you have your true home in Jesus. You belong to him, he is your safe place.

Suzie embraced this truth in an unlikely place: a 12-step group. She walked in addicted to booze, met a new friend there — a young Christian woman who had a spare room for her to live — and left with hope. The friend told her about Jesus’ love for her. Suzie said, “Yes, Lord.”

This is the true happy home she yearned for. What about you? Are you searching for your true home–a place of safety and belonging? Feel free to contact me and share your story.

Merry Christmas!

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2 Steps to Restoration After Regret

regretIs regret messing with your peace? Is it so painful that you’d like to erase a part of your past? Let’s look at regret — what it is, the two main types, and how to move toward restoration.

Regret Defined

Regret is feeling sorrow or remorse for something you did or failed to do. Sometimes it turns into disappointment. This feeling of regret can be turned toward God as you seek him in your pain. Or it can become discontentment, even despair.

Discontentment is an ugly response to regret. It describes a person’s dissatisfaction with what God is doing in his life at the moment. She may have self-pity and see herself as the undeserving victim of unfair circumstances. 

Regret Due to Human Error

Regret may result from an honest though awful mistake. Dr. Erwin Lutzer shared the story of a missionary airplane mechanic with an excellent service track record. One day while tightening a bolt, he was called away before he finished. He forgot to return and complete the bolt tightening.

The consequence of this one mistake proved disastrous. The plane took off. Gasoline leaked from the place where the bolt was loose. The plane caught on fire and all seven people on the plane died. Without a doubt, this mechanic wished he could erase the past. He feels deep regret.

Regret Caused on Purpose

This type of regret results when you choose a certain path that you know is wrong. The Holy Spirit impresses on your heart the your ugly choice rubs against God’s will but you continue on.

Think Peter the apostle.

He denied knowing Jesus Christ three times, then the rooster crows. Peter weeps tears of regret and emotional pain.

And immediately the rooster crowed a second time. And Peter remembered how Jesus had said to him, “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept. Mark 14:72, ESV

2 Steps to Restoration

1. Bring it into the open.

Pushing down the past smothers you. Did you know that the more you try not to think about the regret, the more focus you direct toward it?

God’s plan for moving forward requires facing the past and acknowledging the sin, the pain, and the fallout.

2. Move forward.

To move forward means forgiving, repeatedly if necessary, letting God deal with those who have sinned against you, and continuing to respond in a godly way regardless of how they behaved.

 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:19, ESV

When you choose God’s solutions, an upward and forward movement begins! It’s time, don’t you think, for a fresh start? Christ and His Word will move you in the right direction if you let Him!

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” Lamentations 3:22-24, ESV

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Do you need help finding peace? I’d love to help you!

Sharing hope with your heart, I’ll provide you with solution-focused biblical counseling. Contact me today and we can set up an appointment in person or by Skype. (I’ve counseled women, couples, and families in five continents.) Check out more about me here.

Counseling Hearts to Hope,

Discover Your TRUE Heart’s Desire

desire

Friend, do you know your TRUE heart’s desire? Knowing and fulfilling your heart’s desire can change the direction of your life–from burned out to rest-filled, from down-in-the-dumps to delightful.

Listen to the story of three of my counselees. Notice how different they are. Yet each is making a difference for God’s kingdom. See if your story is similiar.

  • Kim teaches Sunday school to preschoolers, showing them the love of God through simple Bible stories, songs, and Jesus “parties.”
  • Dora has a decorative flair. She beautifies her church’s worship center, making it inviting to regular attenders and visitors.
  • Tanya cleans the homes of elderly folks in need of a helping hand and conversation.

In this brief article you’ll learn:

  1. why you want to know your heart’s desire.
  2. 2 quick steps to discovering your heart’s desire.

Why You Want to Know Your Heart’s Desire

You want to know your heart’s desire because. . .this knowledge empowers and energizes you to make a difference in your own life and in other’s lives. Most important, God wants you to know your heart’s desire to honor him. Does this make sense?

When you know your heart’s desire, you are energized to make a difference, honor God, and be happy.

Take delight in the Lord,

    and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Sometimes this verse gets mangled. God doesn’t say he’ll give you anything you desire, though at first glance it may sound that way. Reread the verse part of the verse. God gives you the desires of your heart as you submit to Christ.

As you delight in him, you’ll desire what he desires. Yes!

2 Quick Steps to Discovering your Heart’s Desire

God made you unique. There’s no one on this planet just like you. You have your own DNA, life experiences, upbringing, talents, and spiritual giftedness (1 Corinthians 12:1-3).

God wouldn’t change a hair on your head. He is for you. He is with you.

QUICK STEP 1: 

What propels you out of bed in the morning (other than an amazing cup of coffee)? Are you keen on empowering single moms? Encouraging war veterans? Designing organizational systems? Taking photographs that tell a story?

It may help to jot answers to these questions:

  1. If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
  2. What do other Christians say you’re particularly good at?
  3. Which of the following people groups tug at your heart? The homeless; women who’ve had abortions; impoverished families; couples in healthy marriages; children with learning disabilities; substance abusers; families of prisoners; the elderly; the ill; women (or teens) in emotional pain; gifted children, other: ___________.

Look over your answers. Do you see a theme? Now write down: I believe my heart’s passion may be _____________.

If you’re not sure, this is OK. As you try out your interests, the Holy Spirit will guide you. Let’s go to quick step 2. It’s truth-telling!

QUICK STEP 2:

Did you know that usually people’s heart’s desire comes from their life experience, especially the difficult ones?

On a 8 1/2 by 11 paper, turned sideways (also called “landscape”), write My Timeline at the top. Then make 3 long, parallel lines. Divide your current age by 3.

On the lines, you’ll record events (happy and sad and disturbing). The top line is for the first third of your life, the second line for the middle third of your life, and the bottom line for the last third of your life. Got it? Good.

Among the events to record are…

  • Birth dates
  • Death dates
  • HS graduation
  • Anniversaries
  • Marriages and divorces
  • Hospitalizations
  • Moves to new locations
  • New jobs, lost jobs
  • Other important events

Now What?

Once you finish your timeline, prayerfully review it and notice what tugs at your heart. Perhaps you faced a home foreclosure and have a heart’s desire to minister to the homeless. Or, maybe you desire to write a book on fear or to teach Crown financial budgeting principles to others.

Maybe you lived in a blended family and have a heart’s desire to help second and third marriages stay intact. Or possibly you were a victim of a crime and your heart’s desire is to become a first responder, teach self-defense classes, or lead a Bible study in prisons.

Next, look over your timeline. Why not pray over what you discovered. Then, reread your answers to the questions in Step 1.

Finally, write a preliminary statement: my TRUE heart desire may be: _____________.

Chances are, over time you’ll refine your statement. Here’s mine.

Isn’t it amazing that God often uses your story to foster hope in others?

The Takeaway

When you live your heart’s desire, you help others, avoid burnout, glorify God, and are truly happy.

Do you have questions? Would you like help making your heart’s desire a reality? Then contact me. It’s beautiful to hope.

Counseling Hearts to Hope!

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How to Rewrite Old Tapes

old tapesIsn’t it encouraging that you and God can rewrite old tapes that are negative and discouraging?

These tapes, these words you repeat to yourself, may have a tidbit of truth.

An example:

You may have made a mistake–we all do–but your mistake doesn’t define you. To God, you are not a failure.

The old tapes you play may say you you’re a mess-up or lack value or beauty. The most important and wonderful truth: In Christ, you are God’s child and he loves you beyond your imagination.

He loves you, so you can share love with others. . .family, friends, people at church, neighbors, co-workers, the cashier at Walmart, anyone, everyone.

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19, ESV

Tapes Start in Childhood

The old destructive tapes often began in childhood. An exception may be that you married an abusive man who puts you down day after day after day. He may tell you that you’re stupid and a loser. Even with a great childhood, hearing this vitriol in your marriage can undo you and cause you to question your worth.

In childhood, did your dad say or insinuated that you’d amount to nothing or that you were a bother? Did he make unwelcome comments about your looks or women’s beauty (or lack there of)? Did your mom seem preoccupied or highly critical? Did she have her nose in a book or her eyes fixed on TV, and shooed you away when you wanted her attention? Did she give you the silent treatment or yell at you when you failed in her eyes?

If this happened to you, my heart hurts for you. This isn’t the childhood God wants parents to to their children. You can get a picture of God’s plan for parenting here and here and here.

The messages you believed in childhood morphed into tapes that we adults repeat to ourselves regularly, if not daily,

and especially when stressed.

Overcoming the Discouragement of Old Tapes

God loves you so much he wants you to rewrite the tapes from childhood and end the sinful habits you learned from them. You may have tried to overcome your sinful habits–whether worry, bitterness, or laziness–through prayer, Bible study, talking with trustworthy friends, and even counseling. Still, they may plague you.

These sinful habits have lodged in your heart. From the heart flows our thoughts (Proverbs 4:23).

What you believe about yourself and God–whether true or false–becomes part of your thinking, but you can change!

When negative thoughts pop us, they may seem to come out of nowhere. It’s as if they have a life of their own. When plagued with negative thoughts, isn’t it easy to feel helpless?

You may be tempted to give up on changing them. As a Christ-follower, you know God wants to thinks thoughts pleasing to him. Doesn’t Philippians 4:8 say. . .?

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

There is hope!

Rewriting Old Tapes Is a Process

You can rewrite the old tapes that began in childhood. This won’t happen overnight; it’s a process. As you replace lies you believe with God’s truth–wonderful changes ensue:

  • Your thought patterns improve.
  • Your beliefs line up more and more with the Word of God.
  • You begin to desire what God desires–that his will be done.

Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4, NIV

Most important, your life glorifies God. Isn’t this the real reason God created us?

As you meditate on scripture, you create new tapes, encouraging and godly and life-giving tapes. These new tapes replace the old ones. and your thoughts, emotions, and actions follow suit. Your heart is revived!

“Heart” is the biblical term for your beliefs and motivations from which your thoughts, emotions, and actions flow. When the Bible speaks of the heart, it is almost exclusively refers to the inner workings of the soul and mind. It is the immaterial part of your being.

At first change may seem slow. As you continue to internalize the God’s truths, the greater and faster these changes will be!

Awful thoughts and sinful habits that plague you will lessen, even disappear. You’ll feel joy–and dare I say, true happiness.

Your Next Step

Look up the Bible verses listed below. Memorize them one at a time and meditate on them.

Some of my counselees like to write them on index cards or sticky notes and place them on their car dashboard or bathroom mirror to reread them often. Others like to “draw” the verses, using the words with sketches.

Romans 12:1-2

Ephesians 4:22-24

2 Peter 1:3-4

Soon you’ll have new tapes because your mind cannot have both sinful and righteous thoughts at the same time. Tell me how it goes. I love hearing from my readers!

OFFER: I offer a complimentary 15-minute, phone consultation with any woman who has questions about counseling. To take advantage of this offer, simply contact me and say “I’d like a consultation.” I’ll email you and we’ll set up a time to talk on the phone. 

Sharing Hope with Your Heart!

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3 Keys to Train for True Happiness

happinessTraining for happiness requires a winning plan.

My cousin Lydia has trained for marathons, even a few ultra-marathons of 100 miles. A 100-mile run–this blows my mind! It took her just over 25 hours to run an ultra-marathon, and a friend joined her at night and held the flashlight as they ran together.

To succeed Lydia developed a year-long plan that disciplined her to run the distance. While she prepared, never did I think, “The race is still nine months away! She’s running for no reason!” Rather, I cheered her on and knew if she skipped her daily runs, she’d set herself up for failure on race day.

The same is true for you and me. If we desire true happiness, then we need to “train” to develop it.

Before you skip to the three keys, check your heart. Ask yourself, “What motivates me to desire happiness? Do I want to bring glory and honor to God, and am I trying to prove my worthiness?” The latter reveals legalism and self-righteousness.

You cannot earn God’s favor, not ever. In Christ you already have it!

What are the three keys to train for true happiness?

1. Spend Time in God’s Word Regularly

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16-17, NIV)

Delectable food to a believer’s heart is time spent in the Word.

Reading the Bible, memorizing it, and learning to apply it–these matter greatly to developing true happiness. Isn’t it true than you are prone to drift from the truth when you skip spending time in God’s Word regularly?

In the last post, you received a practical assignment for improving your attitude. If you missed it, why not review it?

This time you get another special assignment. You’ll attach a result and a time to your goal.

Goal:                        Result:                       Time:

Read Bible             Know God better      7 a.m.

Memorize verse    Learn God’s peace   9 p.m.

May I encourage your creativity? If you prefer to listen to the Bible and are time-crunched, why not use an audio Bible and listen on the way to work? Do you have little ones at home? Perhaps read a section to your children just before naptime; choose an easy-to-read version like this one.

2. Pray Persistently

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, ESV)

For many of us–me included–prayer can be difficult because so much demands our attention. Your noisy mind keeps you from focusing on Jesus, who desires to listen to your struggles, when you’re weighed down with anxiety or burdened with anger.

When I went through a tough time of depression twenty years ago, I discovered that journaling my prayers helped me focus. I put my pain on paper. I wrote where it hurt.

Some of my prayers were simple requests that I dated. I’d review these requests every so often and, as God answered them, I’d jot and date the answer. Some were not answered as I preferred, and I embraced the truth that God knew best. Others I marked “still waiting” when a few months passed and Jesus has yet not given a “yes” or a “no.”

Expect trouble during prayer for another reason. Prayer gives us direct access to Jesus, who is changing us into his likeness. Satan hates this. He hates prayer. Be prepared for this battle by determining to pray persistently.

3. Put Off, Put On

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.  (Colossians 3:8-10, ESV)

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. (Romans 13:14, NIV)

You have a particular area of struggle, don’t you? Don’t we all?!

One counselee shared she struggles with jealousy. Another said she lies when truth-telling may cause confrontation, and she hates confrontation. Still another counselee used prescription pills to numb emotional pain and became addicted to them. Another is dealing with bitterness after her husband committed adultery.

There is no easy way to find freedom life-dominating sins.

If it were easy, they wouldn’t need solution-focused, caring biblical counseling to deal with their obvious problems, and more importantly, their root problem, which lies at the heart of their desires and motivations.

The starting point is stated in 1 Kings 22:5:

First seek the counsel of the Lord.

Your map on the road to transformation is the Bible. Isaiah 40:8 says, “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of God stands forever.”

Biblical counseling relies on truths of the Bible as the counselor seeks to give compassionate, wise counsel while relying on Christ to provide the power for change.

In training for true happiness, it’s wise for us all to seek wisdom in the Word, prayer, and counsel. Then we can see what ungodly habits to put off and which to put on. With God’s help we can change our thinking so our thoughts line up with his. We hate what he hates. We love what he loves.

You live your life wanting to joyfully do God’s will. The gospel becomes your goal, and true happiness is the resulting enjoyment!

cropped-heart_small-e1440804652192.jpgFriends, do you need counsel to achieve true happiness? Are you weary? Burdened? Has life knocked your down? Is your marriage in turmoil?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, may I suggest biblical counseling with me by Skype or in person (Chicago area)? Contact me and let’s set up a time to talk. I offer a complimentary 15-minute consultation by phone.

Counseling Hope to Your Heart,

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Counseling for Christian Women

counselingMy friend Lynn Mosher asked me guest post at her website and share my passion for counseling hope to the hearts of Christian women. Like you, I’ve known heartache and healing, trials and triumph.

Are you struggling now? Contact me and get biblical hope and practical help.

Here’s part of the guest post on counseling.

A Favorite Bible Verse

What Scripture defines God’s purpose for your life?

It’s this one: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV).

The word comfort is used four times, and this is no accident. Our God is a God of comfort and compassion. This means a lot to me because I’ve known troubles:

Depression. . .Panic attacks. . .Dysfunctional home. . .Infertility. . .People-pleasing. . .A history of family alcoholism. . .Divorced and remarried parents. . .Recurring negative thoughts.

God comforted me in all my troubles, just as he promises in the verse. Now that I’ve received comfort, I give comfort. He spoke his purpose into my life and called me to counsel hurting Christian women using a very effective method: biblical counseling.

Counseling That Works

Which counseling do you prefer?

I counsel according to biblical truth while caring with compassionate. It’s sometimes called biblical counseling or pastoral counseling or soul care. As a counselor friend says, biblical counseling is not “here’s two verses and call me in the morning.” It’s comprehensive, compassionate, Christ-centered, and effective.

What do you mean by comprehensive?

I really get to know the women I counsel – their struggles, their hopes, where they’ve been and where they hope to go. I listen and give clear direction. Homework, too. I also use a Personal Data Inventory. This helps me know many things, including a need for a doctor’s visit.

What’s your stance on medication?

I support the use of medication prescribed by a medical doctor. Some people have organic medical conditions such as hypothyroidism, fibromyalgia, or diabetes and need medication to deal with symptoms that may look a lot like depression. Others have been described psychotropics such as SSRIs by their doctors. I discourage counselees to make changes in medication without talking first with their doctors.

In Person and By Skype?

Do you meet with your counselees in person or by Skype and other high-tech options?

Both. Some I meet face-to-face, but I counsel many counselees by Skype. With the explosion of technology, women who do not have a biblical counselor in their area can still receive hope and healing through Jesus. I’ve met many of my counselees through Twitter and Facebook.

What are the advantages to Skype counseling?

It’s highly affordable and convenient too; counselees don’t need to drive to an office. For some women, it’s more comfortable. Those who’d feel awkward or fearful in a face-to-face appointment are very willing to share over Skype.

What are the disadvantages to phone counseling?

The main one is I cannot read my counselees’ nonverbal communication. This is why I prefer counseling by Skype or FaceTime wherever possible. Women who don’t have Internet access have talked with me on their phones or tablets using free Internet at places like McDonalds, Starbucks, or their local library. For privacy some have counseled while in their cars and within range of Internet.

For More Information

If a woman is interested in finding out more, what should she do?

Contact me. You may feel alone or full of guilt and shame – maybe you’re scared. Be reassured: God loves you.

In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus said the most amazing and wonderful thing. Reading the words of the prophet Isaiah:

The Spirit of the Lord is on Me, because he has anointed Me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. (Luke 4:18-19 NIV)

Are you want freedom from life’s troubles?

Hope has come: Jesus.

Counseling Hope to Your Heart,

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