silent-saying

WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN to my hurting friend’s heart when she had a terrible secret? How can I listen better next time? In this short article, you’ll learn at least two things:

1) How I failed my friend.

2) Steps we women can take in our churches to help others who are afraid to speak.

My college-bound high school friend Lynn aborted her baby at age 18. I said nothing to intervene, to comfort. I learned of her plans through a mutual friend. But Lynn was my good friend too. I could have spoken up, right?

Her mistake: Staying silent and telling only her boyfriend and our mutual friend. (And, of course, abortion is the killing of the unborn. At that time she supported the pro-choice agenda.)

Mine: Failing to speak up. Tangled inside, I didn’t want to force my beliefs on my friend.  I believed abortion was morally wrong, though I wasn’t yet a Christ follower, but I chose to clamp my mouth shut.

I’ve wondered why she had the abortion and I said nothing. Were we. . .

a) Proud

b) Embarrassed

c) Shamed

d) All of the above

What’s another reason people choose silence? 

Why Choose Silence?

Another reason you and I do not speak may be ignorance; more likely it’s selfishness. Lynn didn’t want a baby; it was an inconvenience. I didn’t want to rock a friendship so I comforted her through silence.

This silence? Was it real comfort?

It seemed to make things better. I didn’t know then what I know now: Women who have abortions are in desperate need of healing. If I had known the devastation to women, I would have said something, anything, to discourage her. She would have spoken; I would have listened.

I admit I messed up. And I can’t my sin of silence.

Can you think of a time you messed up too? Were you able to make it better?

Where Churches Can Help (or Hurt)

In many churches today, women very rarely share secrets of their abortions or depression or prostitution or drug use. One reason is fear of condemnation from her Christian sisters.

The good news: You can help make your church a safe place to share painful secrets. How?

1. Begin with prayer. Ask God to bring a hurting woman into your life.

2. Be patient. A hurting woman won’t tell you her pain at first. She needs to know she can trust you. She need to know you won’t condemn her. The Bible says,

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

3. Share compassionate comfort and hope. Let her know that nothing can separate her from God’s love. Show her this verse.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Finding Real Peace

When you’ve sinned, you’ll find peace when you go to God and agree with him that what you did was wrong. God wants you to move toward him, not seclude yourself or think you are “less than.” He listens!

And he affirms you in the best way possible. At Calvary, Jesus was your substitute for all of your screw-ups — past, present and future. Don’t believe Satan’s lie that your mistakes are unforgivable.

Your mistakes do not define you. Your identity as a child of God does.

Contact me and I’ll share a wonderful, free resource with you. Simply say “Indentity in Christ” resource and I’ll send it to you. That simple.

Sharing Hope with Your Heart,

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