Self-neglect is a pit we Christian women may trip into. It may seem good to neglect your own needs as you care for others, but is it? For a clue, let’s listen to a conversation between Jesus and an expert in the Mosaic law.

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher, he asked, What must I do to inherit eternal life? “What is written in the Law? he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” (Luke 10:25-28, NIV)

Love your neighbor as yourself — this imperative has a curious phrase at the end: “as yourself.” It suggests that the importance of caring for and nurturing yourself. It is a healthy self-care.

But — this is important — healthy self-care never goes overboard.

Selfishness Is Easy

Did you know all people are naturally selfish? We come into the world selfish. Babies cry, which is good; their noisy communication gets attention on them! Toddlers are notorious little “No!” people. Teens are known for self-absorption.

Adults are selfish too.

We live in a me-first culture. Isn’t it radical, then, to follow the biblical instruction to “deny yourself” and “put others first”?

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4

Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). This means the Holy Spirit lives in every believer. Honor him with all you say, think, feel, and do, including these areas:

Your Body

You know the basics of physical health, of course: eat well, exercise, and get adequate sleep. Here’s another goodie: Play.

When I became a mom, among the perks was going to the playground with my daughter and going down slides, swinging high and jumping into sand, and getting dizzy on the merry-go-round. I played like a kid, and no one looked at me funny.

As my kids became older and less interested in playgrounds, I’ve found other ways to play like karate. What is your favorite way to move your body and have fun?

Your Emotions

The Bible says a lot about emotions. Did you know that they are neither morally good nor bad? Jesus expressed emotions — from grief and joy, to anger and anxiety. What matters is how you express them.

Picture a two-year old throwing a tantrum. She is angry and acting out. How about a sullen sixth-grader? He allows sadness swallow his joy. Then there’s a forty-year-old full of fear. She’s afraid to get a job because she fears rejection.

An insightful scripture in dealing with emotions is Ephesians 4:14-15.

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

To express emotions appropriately, speak the truth in love.

In my biblical counseling to women, I’ve noted that many women who are angry or hurt blow up or clam up. When you blow like a volcano, your angry lava burns everyone around you. Clamming up is no better. Your anger can spiral down to depression.

Your Spirit

Healthy self-care means spending time with God. In addition to reading Scripture, praying, and worshiping in church, why not try an overlooked yet life-changing way to be with God: Christian meditation?

It differs from Eastern or New Age meditation, in which the goal of meditation is emptying one’s mind of all thought. Christian meditation is thinking on a particular Scripture. You fill your mind with God’s truth.

COUNSELING: Do you need hope and help? May I encourage you to try biblical counseling with me, in person or by Skype? I’ve Skype-counseled women, couples, and families all over the U.S., Canada, and elsewhere in the world including Hong Kong and Australia. Leave me a message. Thank you!