In this “Ask the Counselor,” a counselee asked me a personal question. We had counseled for a couple months — and topics like emotional adultery, porn, addiction, same-sex attraction had woven into our conversations.

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I appreciated her candor, and even more, her willingness to change and to love God and neighbor, so her question flowed fresh like a Colorado stream.

Q: “What do you do, Lucy, when you mess up big? I mean, HUGE.”

A: I sent her a personal message that I’d like to share with you with her permission. Messing up big happens among believers. Jesus’ gift of salvation paid the debt we owed, that I owed. You see, we’re in process. The church-y word for this process is sanctification.

Three examples:

King David had sex with a married woman and arranged for the murder of her husband. 2 Samuel 11

Rahab ran a brothel. Joshua 2

Saul (later Paul) went a killing spree of Christ followers. Acts 8:1

Yes. We mess up BIG.

Yes. God loves you in your monstrous mistakes. 

My Answer (where I spill my guts): 

Typically, when I mess up big time, first I yell at myself:

Lucy, you are so stupid. Such an idiot. What will people think? God must hate me.”

Then, after falling into a pit of self-pity and self-despair (note emphasis on self),  I sometimes buy myself a bottle of Chardonnay to numb my pain. Dumb, I know. Sinful, yes. I sense a nudge. The nudge is gentle. I know it’s God.

Sometimes I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to hear him say, “LOSER!” Another nudge. Gentle. So gentle that I. . .

. . .dare to believe God really does love me though I messed up big. Really big. Skyscraper big.

And I Remind Myself

I remind myself that God is Love. I look up, eyes on Jesus. My heart bows in worship. “Wisdom, Lord, I need wisdom,” I whisper. “You promise to give wisdom to those who ask and I am asking. Now. I need your wisdom. I need you.”

If I can, I make amends. This is scary for me because I don’t like to admit my messes. The Bible calls it pride. I think about seeking forgiveness from the one I harmed. God nudges. I obey. . .usually.

God and I have a chat. I try to listen. Listening is a skill I’m learning and he shows me that he is the Way and the Truth and the Life. I feel sorrow.  My godly sorrow leads to repentance. Again, I may drag my feet. Perhaps this is my new nickname: Foot-dragger. Another nudge. Gentle. Persistent. I receive God’s grace gift. And I repent of my big-time mess:

“God, you are God and I am not. I am sorry for my sin and I thank you for your forgiveness. I repent of sinning against you. Help me to trust and obey you. I need your help. I need you. Praise be your most holy name. Amen.”

As I shared my answer with my counselee, I hoped she’d see that I’m a fellow traveler and that I am NOT a know-it-all. I am broken by my messes and awed by God’s beauty. It’s not about me. My eyes focus best on God.

A Word of Hope

Friends, if my words touched your heart, please know that we believers, who are in Christ, have a great God who loves to bless us. He blesses us in many, many way. The sky is not the limit for him. By golly, he made the sky.

He may bless through bounty or by not giving you what you want. He knows what’s best for you and wants to give you the very best. His purpose isn’t to make you happy here on this earth; he desires something much, much better for you: to grow you up into the likeness of his Son and our Savior, Jesus.

This is true happiness — loving God, loving others, admit when you’re wrong, and don’t beat yourself up.

DOWNLOAD: Here’s a download on the 5 Rules of Biblical Communication

photo credit: ashley rose, via photopin cc