Would’t it be terrific to mend your hurting heart after divorce?
Today is the second of eight posts in the blog series, “Mending a Broken Heart.” You can read the first post here.
We’ll talk about hope and healing from tough stuff like abuse and divorce, addiction and the death of loved ones in our time together. Often I’ll excerpt A Broken Heart by Kc Hutter whom I best-buddied on Facebook.
Kc knows death by divorce times two (plus by leaving a live-in lover who abused her).
Isn’t it reassuring that Kc found and married the love of her life nearly 30 years ago?
Isn’t God good?
Rising Numbers
As you probably know, the divorce rate increases for second and third marriages: In the United States, the divorce rate for first marriage is 41 percent; for second marriages, 60 percent; for third marriages, 73 percent. The younger you marry, the greater the likelihood of divorce.
Less than a year after high school graduation, Kc and Delmer wed. Two baby boys came along. Delmer traveled as a salesman. Men noticed Kc, lonely and fun. A dangerous combination.
Here’s a bit of Kc’s story. You’ll meet the precious red-headed girl with the green tin suitcase, all grown up and looking for love. I added three application questions at the end.
“Are You Having an Affair”
“Are you having an affair with Pat? I can’t live without you,” Delmer shouted. His eyes glared at me. He meant business.
Pat owned a local bar. My girlfriend, Nick, and I hung out at Pat’s bar. We played pool, danced to the juke box, drank screwdrivers, and told funny stories.
Party life with Nicky–wow–I had never experienced such freedom. Drinking made me feel taller, smarter, and cuter.
Delmer moved from North Dakota to Minnesota for his job. The boys and I followed. Things between us didn’t improve. We never fought, but we weren’t able to communicate. We divorced–agreeing that the distance between us seemed to great for reconcilation.
Many times after my divorce, I was free to fly on my own, but I crashed more than once–looking for someone, anyone, to love me.
I drank a lot vodka and developed a “come here, go away” personality. This made me feel safe. I could abandon a man before he abandoned me.
Kc fell in love again and again. First Anthony, then Richard. Her divorce with Richard messed her over. Booze, pills, insomnia, and escaping into work.
Happiness faded as she sobered. Hurting. Alone. She flipped open the Yellow Pages and dialed the number of a psychiatrist.
What Kc didn’t know: God had a surprise in store.
Like Kc, I’ve experienced divorce–my parents’. My parents divorced when I was 8, remarried a year later, and divorced again while in my 20s. My dad married another woman, divorced, and married this third wife. He and his current wife have discussed divorce. They have three children, all teens.
My mom died of a massive heart attack about five years after their divorce.
I hate divorce. It’s a death. It hurts.
Be sure to read Thursday’s post in the “Mending a Broken Heart” series and find out how you can best grieve a troubled marriage and find hope.
About Kc
Kc was brought up in the church but did not have a personal relationship with Jesus until after her third failed relationship (two divorces, one live-in lover). She now guides those who are hurting and without hope to the Mender of Broken Hearts. She is married and lives in Washington State with her husband, Jerry.
A Few Questions
1. How has divorced touched your life? How have you hurt?
2. In what cases do you believe divorce condoned? In our culture? According to biblical teaching?
3. Which parts of Kc’s story resonates with you?
Hope for You
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you:
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Psalm 41:10
photo credit: bobfranklin via photopin cc
Hope and Blessings,
My first husband and I were married fourteen years. I had never kissed another man and the best way I can explain what happened is……like a plant in a pot that is small, I felt twisted and unable to move or be myself. This hardship of divorce I felt was the only way for me to grow. I admit ‘it was all about me.’ We had two young sons. I made many wrong decisions when left to my own wisdom and the fact I had been given away by my parents and never felt loved. When I met my current husband, that I have been married to for 28 years, I would not even give him my phone number. God had plans to plant us together..married…Now in this larger pot, we both can establish our new roots in the Lord Jesus and grow and realize our potential to help and heal other damaged people.
I love your plant analogy, Kc. God hates divorce. He doesn’t hate people who have divorced. Some reasons for divorce are biblical. When you and your first husband wed, you were not believers in Jesus so how would you know any better? Or how to communicate biblically?
Marriage isn’t easy for anyone. Yet it is a place for us to grow and become more like Jesus.
Thank you for sharing!!! Awesome!!!
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You’re so welcome! How has divorced touched you or someone you care about?
Hey sweet friend. You’re an inspiration! Thanks for being so vulnerable. I really am grateful I know you.
I appreciate Kc’s deep sharing too. It’s healing. And hopeful. ~Lucy
I dont think divorce is always a bad thing; at least not in my case. Leaving a bad marriage, filled with alcohol and abuse, actually led me to the Lord. This person was NOT Gods plan for me; but having gown up Catholic, I never knew, or had a personal relationship with my heavenly Father. It took getting out of that nightmare…..”For where envying and strife is, so is confusion and EVERY EVIL work”….James 3:16. Notice, not “some” evil….. After I left that marriage is when God began to lead me to Him, and finally to His total Salvation. I am now married again; to the man my Father brought me to, and am so very happy and in love with the “love of my life”. Together we are living in the abundance and blessing of God, through Christ Jesus. God IS the center of our life, and we have the fullness of Him~
Denise, I rejoice with you. You came out of a crazy-difficult marriage, led by the Holy Spirit to salvation in Christ alone. Amen. I too am a former Catholic. I became a Christian at 23 while in the Catholic Church. I was willing to stay there if that’s where God wanted me. He called my husband and me to a Bible-preaching church several years later.
May our most awesome God and Father continue to bless you and your marriage, as I know He will. Ephesians 1:3
Lucy