Don’t you wish young ones always outlived their parents? Are you hoping for the day that the loss of a child hurts less? Especially the death of a child, whatever his or her age?
Here’s the fourth of eight posts in the blog series “Mending a Broken Heart.” My prayer: hope and healing as we journey through the pain of tough stuff like abuse and divorce and addiction and the death of a child. You can read the first three posts in this mini-series here.
My new Facebook buddy Kc Christman Hutter, author of A Broken Heart, has mourned the death of her son Cam, who died of acute leukemia at age 32. Cam and his wife, Susan, were expecting their first child when he received the diagnosis. Instead of picking out baby names, they huddled in a hospital bed and prayed for recovery.
Have you had a dramatic change in plans? Did you think life was going one way then turned upside down?
Kc recounts the week her son died. Listen and discover that you are not alone in your pain.
Unforgettable Week
When death closes in, time refuses to stand still.
On Sunday, Susan called, ‘I’m a little worried about Cam. He had a teeth cleaning on Friday and his gums won’t stop bleeding.’
‘Susan, don’t worry, maybe Cam is anemic. He just needs some iron,’ I said, not at all concerned. ‘Cam’s strong. He has never been sick with anything serious.’
On Monday afternoon, Cam drove to a clinic and had blood work done.
On Tuesday, Susan called, ‘The doctor wants more blood work on Cam. I’m driving him to the hospital.”
On Wednesday, Cam was told he had acute leukemia. Walking into Cam’s hospital room, I said, ‘Hi, how you feeling?’ Cam and Susan were both lying on his small hospital bead. Instead of picking out baby names, they were studying charts about his recovery.
Lord, oh Lord, I know You are here with us. Cam needs to hold his baby. Susan and I love him and want to spend our lives with him. Hear my prayers!
I called everyone on my prayer chain list.
On Thursday, I met Pastor Miles in the hospital hallway. He was just leaving Cam’s room and said, ‘Cameron is on the fence, could go either way, heaven or hell.’
‘Mom!’ Cam said as I walked into his room. ‘I know the Lord and believe in Jesus.’ Tears rolled down his cheeks.
‘I know you do, my darling,” crying right along with him.
On Friday, Cam was taken by ambulance to another hospital, where Susan had medical connections to the best doctors to help Cam beat the leukemia.
On Saturday, Cam was in a good mood. ‘Mother’s Day is tomorrow. Please pick up something nice for Susan for me. I’d like to surprise her.’
‘Sure, I’ll pick up a couple cut maternity blouses for her. See you tomorrow, love you.’
On Sunday, beside his bed sat a large cardboard box. ‘Happy Mother’s Day,’ Cam said. ‘You’ll love what’s in the box.” Later, as we were leaving, Cameron’s blue eyes and my blue eyes blinked a good bye. It would be the last time here on earth I would ever see his eyes.
Quiet Deathly Quiet
The next day, Kc sensed something was terribly wrong and talked with God as she sped to the hospital. Why did you tell me to drop everything and go to Cam? Calm my anxious thoughts. Make this feeling of dread go away.
Kc looked at her son and knew death was approaching. She screamed for a doctor. In a flurry, doctors and nurses put an oxygen mask over his face and wheeled him out of the room for tests, then to the intensive care unit.
Quiet deathly quiet. Only the hiss, hiss, hiss from the ventilator pumping air into Cam’s lungs. His body made one last movement. Then he lay still. No one told me. I just knew in my heart his soul had departed.
Lord Jesus, was that the sound of angel wings?
Now What?
Death forces us to face our own fears, even our mortality. This unwelcome guest disturbs family and friends, more so if it’s a young person robbed of life. So early, too early.
Can any mother survive such a loss?
The loss of a child dominoes into other losses of unfulfilled dreams. No prom or graduation, no wedding, no grand kids. Awkward moments when an acquaintance asks, “How many kids do you have?”
Thursday’s post at my website delves into grief and what NOT to say to someone whose child has died. Be sure to subscribe to my blog posts for more hope and healing. To order Kc’s book, click the “A Broken Heart” box on the right panel.
photo credit: faith goble via photopin cc
Hope and Blessings,
I have never experienced the devastation of losing a child, but I have seen how it has affected others who have. Thanks Kc for being so open about your pain, almost destruction and then healing. You’re an inspiration.
Becky, I haven’t experienced the loss of a child as well. Friends have. My heart aches with them. I like how the author, Kc Hutter, writes so we can “be there” and feel the loss. The death of anyone — young or old, child or parent, husband or friend — is crazy hard. I grieved deep the death of my mother, who had a sudden and fatal heart attack at age 62. Only through the grace of God and the comfort of the Holy Spirit can any of us find hope.
As I stood by Cam’s bed, with my hand on his arm, I noticed,….One teardrop hung on Cam’s right cheek near his eye. His body made one last movement. “Lord Jesus, was that the sound of angel wings?
I would find out in the next few years the truth in the following quote. Charles Spurgeon wrote; THE MIND CAN DESCEND FAR LOWER THAN THE BODY….FLESH CAN BEAR ONLY A CERTAIN NUMBER OF WOUNDS AND NO MORE, BUT THE SOUL CAN BLEED IN TEN THOUSAND WAYS AND DIE OVER AND OVER AGAIN EACH HOUR.
Oh, how I miss my baby, Cameron. He was thirty two years old, but still my baby. I did not have the strength to wipe away his last teat. I know God will do it!
Kc, you’ll always miss him. You loved him deep. Thanks for sharing the Spurgeon quote. Yes, our inner self grieves when a loved one dies. You and I have the sure hope that we will see our family members again because of God’s saving work on the cross. Praise His holy name.
Kc’s book deals with the penultimate pain we all pray we will never have to face: The death of a child, and how she dealt with it.
It is an inspiration to all who suffer pain of any kind on this confused little diseased ridden planet.
But fear not ! We will meet again with our loved ones in our Father’s mansions.
Thank you for you hope-filled comment, O’Shea. Pain of a child is unimaginable pain. Thank God, Jesus is the way to everlasting live. Amen.
My friend KC and I have a common bond in losing our sons. There is something so out of order when you lose a child. KC writes beautifully describing the pain and the joy of experiencing such love and loss. Thanks be to God who takes us through each day and teaches us to rejoice in the times we have shared and to look forward to times yet to come.
Sweet MArian, may our great God continue to bless you with his grace and comfort, as I know he will. Ephesians 1:3
Yes, the death of a child is disordered. It seems unnatural, wrong. I am heartened that you’re turning to God in your grief. Jesus is the ultimate Healer. Blessings, Lucy
I’m getting good feedback via Facebook on this post. It has stirred a lot of emotions. If you are among them, may our great and good God supply you comfort and peace. Amen.
Thank you for your inspiration. I lost my only child, my son (47) in January this year. So very unexpected and shocking. I had never considered losing him during my lifetime. He was a wonderful Christian man who has gone to be with God. He leaves me two beautiful grandchildren whom I adore. I am a Christian and knew immediately where his soul had gone. I miss him so very much, our talks, visits, sharing life. Sometimes, it seems so unreal. Thanks to my Lord and Savior, I rest in his promise that we will be together again. Thank you for your
comforting words.
Diane, the first two years are super hard. All the special days without your loved one are hard to get through. At least it was for me and probably most folks. You will see you son again. Still, you miss him. Love on those beautiful grand kids. Take time to cry and breathe and laugh too.
I lost my baby who was 16 and it was jan10th 2013. He was my life and so loving to me. I cant think of having easter dinner and all that
My heart breaks for you, Peggy. The wound of his death is so fresh, so raw. May God grant you peace and comfort at Easter and Mother’s Day and always. God bless you. Love, Lucy