Do you want an awesome marriage? Of course you do. You married your guy for better or worse.
Now it’s “worse” and you want “better.”
The super news: God wants to awesome-ize your marriage too!
I’ve been there. From good to worse to better to awesome. Sometimes my marriage slinks back to blah, giving me more practice to awesome-ize my marriage. 🙂
Marriage Ain’t Easy
Let’s get real. No marriage is perfect. Guess what? The neighbor lady who says her marriage is perfect? She’s lying.
There’s no sense comparing yours to hers. You’d fume and sulk and eat gallons of ice cream. Don’t go there. Choose a better way.
The better way:
1. Picture the marriage God wants you to have. (Hint: Unity)
2. Consider the state of your marriage now. Write down 3 to 5 things you’d like to change.
3. Make a reasonable plan.
Picture the Marriage God Wants You to Have
Take a moment and picture the marriage God wants you to have. You and your guy won’t always agree but you can try to work out your differences, right? When you both reach an impasse you may agree to disagree.
In your picture, do you pray with your guy? Great.
Does he give up drinking? Or saying mean things to you or the kids? Wonderful.
Does he choose you over the ball game? Amazing.
Take a moment a describe the picture of the marriage God wants you to have.
Consider the Current State of Your Marriage
This is un-fun yet necessary.
Think of words or phrases describing your marriage now. Is your marriage lonely? Full of angst? Two ships passing in the night? Dangerous? (If you are in an abusive relationship, please contact your local authorities or a women’s shelter for help and safety.)
The top reason married women seek me for biblical counseling is loneliness in their marriage. They want a better husband and happiness. Some look for relief in wine or work or the wily world of the online media.
[tweetthis]When you’re unhappy in marriage, your response reveals a lot about your belief in God. [/tweetthis]
Make a Reasonable Plan
Why reasonable? He’s not perfect. You’re not perfect. God is letting your marriage show you things about yourself and about God’s faithfulness.
Before getting to the plan, listen to these two true stories. Names and some details have been changed. The spouses are Christians.
A Stinky Story
Jessica’s husband stinks. Though in his 50s, he has bad breath that could slay a monster. He not only stinks but also is a mess; a highly educated mess:
He leaves out dishes. He misses the toilet and fails to wipe the tinkle.
What’s worse, he flirts with pretty ladies right in front of her.
Jessica has had numerous sit-downs with her husband about other women, personal hygiene, and sloppiness. He deflects her comments, saying that she can clean his dishes and urine since it bothers her, not him, and that she can leave the conversation when he flirts.
A #1 Son Story
Susanna’s husband has a best friend and it’s not her. The best friend is their 30-something, college-educated son who lives at home. She thinks their son should move out. Her husband says he should stay and that she should: do the son’s laundry and make his lunches that he totes to work.
The son doesn’t pay rent, contribute to the bills, or help around the house or yard.
Susanna deeply loves her son and wants the best for him, and she knows his leeching is not only wrong, but also damaging to him and to her marriage.
What’s Your Recommendation?
If these women came to you for marital help, what would advise?
Speaking the truth in love?
Prayer?
Reaching out to trustworthy female Christian friends for encouragement?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Now make your list. List specific things you can do.
Examples:
“Talk to my husband about the mean things he said the other night and how I felt hurt.”
“Sit with my husband and watch football together.”
“Text him ‘I love you’ every day for a week.”
“Initiate lovemaking one time this week.”
What About His Role?
At the core of each women’s plight in the two stories is failure of the husband to heed biblical commands to love his wife.
For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband (Eph. 5:31-33, NIV).
Also,
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves himself loves his wife (Eph. 5:25-28).
Without a doubt Jessica’s and Susanna’s husbands are not demonstrating love as God commands. I’m certain both men, and the grown son, have many fine qualities; otherwise, the women would not have married them. However, sin now entangles them.
These wives have erred too; generally, women in problem marriages sin (or make an ugly choice contrary to God’s commands) when they fail to speak the truth in love. Some speak words that cut, nag, and belittle. Others remain silent; the growing resentment becomes deafening.
The Take-Away
You cannot change your guy; this is the work of the Holy Spirit. You can want what God wants for your marriage and take steps from awful to awesome.
Never give up. God loves you and is with you. He values marriage!
Scripture says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'” (2 Cor. 12:9).
God can redeem your marriage. Go to him. He loves to talk with you.
AN OFFER: You can get a no-cost consultation from me. I am a certified biblical counselor who’s helped thousands of women find real hope for their real hurts. Click: Contact me. Let’s seek God together.
photo credit: clevercupcakes via photopin cc
Counseling Hope to Your Heart<
