angry birds

God can fix your friendship. Here are two ways to help. And one way you shouldn’t.

During high school my two best friends and I ate lunch together, talked on the phone every evening, and shared quirky inside jokes. Yep, best friends until senior year. The summer before senior year, they met boys.

College boys.

While the couples whooped it up, I felt forgotten, hurt, and lonely. I don’t think my friends meant to hurt me. Still, they picked him and him and I was dust in the wind.

Has a friend hurt you? How do you fix your friendship? Should you?

With God’s power you can mend a broken friendship by one of two ways. (In one case, you shouldn’t. . .unless the Holy Spirit nudges you to fix it.)

1. Cover with Love

If the wound is not deep, or you feel compelled, then cover an offense with love. 

I was able to do this with my two high school friends. They didn’t mean to hurt me, and I had other friends to hang with. But I still missed them and the way it used to be. I had to let go of my dream that we’d continue as best buds through graduation.

Love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

So when you can and as the Holy Spirit empowers you, let the hurt go. Let love cover the offense. Letting go can lead to restoration.

2. Confront with Love

Years ago, serving as a women’s ministry director, my team and I made a decision to switch the day of our morning Bible study for several good reasons. At least we thought so.

However, one women was angry with our decision and phoned each women in the bible study, complaining about the day change and me. I felt hurt and angry.

Eventually, she and I talked privately. We confronted one another in love. I apologized that the change took her by surprise, that I should have communicated better with everyone. She apologized for gossiping.

Our friendship was never the same. We became careful around each other, fearing more hurt. It was as mended as could be at that time.

Solomon said, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love,” and “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Proverbs 27:5,6.

And When You Probably Should Run

Let’s say the offense was huge, bigger than the Grand Canyon, and you no longer trust her. An obvious example: She bedded your husband and is happy she did. A less obvious example: She tells lies about you and you confront her, but she does not repent and continues her lying.

When there’s no remorse, you can forgive the offender but you can withdraw for the destructive relationship.

Here are helpful scriptures.

Proverbs 18:24 — “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Psalm 41:9 — “Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me.”

Most of All, You Need. . .

Jesus!

Do you remember this hymn? Let’s the words wash over you and comfort you. I also included a link to the music.

What a friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer!

Read the rest of the lyrics here.

Listen to the hymn. 🙂

What happened when you or a friend tried to fix a friendship?

photo credit: Yaniv Golan via photopin cc

 

 

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